HAPPY NCOD!

Happy National Coming Out Day, everyone!

More stories coming later this week / next week... and keep sending 'em to glsenblog@gmail.com!

Coming out. Two words, and, honestly, one of the hardest concepts to grasp, especially if you have to do it yourself. I’m only almost sixteen, and I’ve already come out to my entire family, most of my friends and some of my teachers as a lesbian. People tell me I’m brave, but, to be honest, it felt so natural to me. Of course, I was scared to death, but, being a naturally open person, I felt like I was lying by not telling the people I love about who I am.


In writing this coming out story, I asked my younger sister and closest friend what exactly I did to come out. “I can’t remember how I came out!” I told her. She responded simply with, “You didn’t! Well, not to me at least. You didn’t tell me. I started to assume, and then it was like… okay… It didn’t just happen. It wasn’t like a movie regular kinda coming out. I think they way you told mom and dad was like that. But for me, it wasn’t straightforward. Get it? Straight forward!”


It seems like most of my coming out stories have turned out to be that way. Most of my close friends had already seen it coming, and took my news really well. I felt so accepted and comfortable with myself for a while. But after a few months of knowing who I am and being comfortable with it, I decided I needed to tell my parents.


I remember distinctly the first time I told my mother that I thought I was gay. Being a traditional and a tad conservative woman from England, my mother didn’t take my news very well. At first, laughed at the idea and said something along the lines of “Well, just don’t become one of those, with your hair cut all short…” and giving the stereotypical lesbian description. I was so hurt, I didn’t say much more to her about it at the time. In tears, I went back upstairs, feeling defeated and rejected. My older sister, who I don’t normally get along with, saw I was upset, and demanded to know why I was crying. I mentioned what my mom had said and my sister went storming downstairs and yelled at my mom. Normally, I hate it when my family fights, but at that moment I couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride and love towards my sister.


My father was a completely different story. He is very traditional, growing up in India and being very academically and science-focused. Before I told him, I asked him what his opinion on gay rights was, and he responded well, saying, “Well, people can’t change who they are…” etc. then he followed his response with a question: “Why? Do you think you are?” I told him I was questioning my sexual orientation and my dad began to get defensive, telling me how could I possibly know when I was so young? And that he knew me, and there was no way I could be gay. I had to bring the topic up various times, so he would know that it’s not just a phase, it’s who I am. My most vivid memory of telling my father was the time he had reduced me to tears, and I had my mother and sisters defending me, standing by my side and telling him that he could not yell at me for who I was.

While half of my coming out experiences were positive and half were negative, I learned to be a stronger person through all of this, and my family grew stronger as a unit. We learned to deal with the good, bad, and the ugly. My parents at times had to stand by me, defending me when they didn’t necessarily want to, saying, “She’s my daughter, and she can’t help the way she is.”

Today's story

I had been dating my second girlfriend for about a year when I decided to come out to my mom. I didn't want to talk to her about it, so I wrote her a long letter and put it on the table next to her bed while she was sleeping.

The next morning, I woke up to my mother checking on me, to make sure I was alive. She had only read a little bit of the letter and for some reason thought it was a suicide letter. She was relieved to find out it wasn't. And it turned out that she already knew I was a lesbian (and had known about it for some time), knew that I was dating my girlfriend (funny how moms sometimes know everything), and that she loved both of us.

Another coming out story (keep on sending them to glsenblog@gmail.com! we need more!):

I guess I just wanted to write not to lose hope. When I first told my parents that I was gay, they couldn't accept it. They refused to talk about it and acted like I never told them, even when I tried to bring it up in conversation.

Time went by and I started dating my boyfriend. We've been dating for a while now. I talked about him to my mom bit by bit. And she listened bit by bit. Things aren't perfect or even "normal" yet, but I feel like my family is starting to understand me a little and starting to be willing to hear what I have to say.

Today's story (and an example of a short one)

When I was a sophomore in high school, I spent weeks agonizing over telling my best friend that I had a girlfriend. I wondered how to say it and how she would respond. When I finally got up the nerve, I went to her and said, "Manda, I have something to tell you." She responded, "What, that you're dating Sam?" She'd known for a WEEK - Sam had already told her - and she never let me know. It was both a relief and an embarrassment at the same time.

Coming Out Stories

It's the month of October, the month of National Coming Out Day (October 11th) and we need you! We're looking for anonymous or first-name only coming out stories to post daily on the GLSEN blog. Stories can be short or long, and about coming out in any way that matters to you (coming out as a lesbian? coming out as an ally? etc. etc.)

To get you started thinking, here's today's submission:


I have lots of coming out stories: coming out to family, coming out to friends. One of my favorites, though, involved coming out to a complete stranger.

I was at a showing of "The Laramie Project," sitting quietly, when the guy next to me began to talk about how during the discussion following the movie, he was going to bring up the topic of gay marriage and how it was wrong. After getting over my frustration that he would bring up the topic of gay marriage during a discussion that would surely be about hate crimes, I engaged him in conversation. He began to talk about gay marriage and how it was wrong because the Bible says it is wrong.

After listening to him for several minutes (and respectfully disagreeing here and there), I mentioned my girlfriend. He stared at me for a minute, disbelieving that he had unknowingly been degrading toward me and my relationship.

The story should stop there, but doesn't. After talking about sexuality for several more minutes and after asking several questions that made it clear he knew very little except "what the Bible says," my conversation companion decided that he knew a thing or two about bisexuality, which is how I identified myself to him. He proceeded to ask whether we could date, since bisexuality means that someone dates two people at once (one male and one female, of course).

I explained the real meaning, and he argued with me - in person and later, online, until I unfortunately had to block him from instant messaging (I'd given him my screenname in hopes that through conversation I could enlighten him - I was wrong.)

The moral of the story, I guess, is to watch out when messing with people... or when trying to "enlighten" them. Sometimes (not always!) it's more trouble than it's worth.

Post-meeting update!

The GLSEN meeting tonight was a huge success and our biggest meeting so far this year! Thanks to everyone who attended :) If you didn't attend (or did and want to reminisce), here's what was covered:

1) We reviewed general plans for the next bi-annual summit: it will be held on February 23, 2007 at Towson University (mark your calendars now!

2) We then split into groups to discuss entertainment and the workshops. Work was done on creating advertisements, discussing music options for the dance, considering potential speakers, and more.

3) Community announcements were made. Among them:
- GLSEN Baltimore is always available to support new and more seasoned GSAs. Representatives from several GSAs also offered to support fellow GSAs this evening. If you are looking to offer or to get help, e-mail glsenblog@gmail.com
- Several Baltimore colleges are working together to have a Halloween Dance at Loyola College on October 27th. You must be 17+ to get in.
- We're still looking for writers for the blog. Specifically, this month we are looking for coming out stories. If you have one, e-mail it (anonymously or known) to glsenblog@gmail.com

Thanks again to everyone who came tonight. Our next meeting will be November 7, 2007 at 6:30 at Roland Park Country School, room 225. We still need help and ideas, so whether it will be your first meeting or your third, come out and join us!